Now and Future

Aloooha! Can i just abandon the intro here? Kay, lately, i don't really study. Just this week, i'd been in hostel just for 3 days, i was happy of course. And yeah shame, still, even just for 3 days, i felt the homesick -,- gah haha I don't really study as i'd keep myself away from classes, i took much counseling sessions, but trust me, it's worth it. And, a person like me, likes to think much. I think much lately, it's like a bulk of things i need to think about. Somehow i know i just can abandon it and let my mind free but hehe i love thinking. Know what? I've been asking my counselor, "is that i'm a trouble kid just bcs i love to have the counselling sessions?" then she said "no, love, it's not. Why? Have your friends talked about it?" I said "yeahhh, i felt somehow low and down, because anytime i got back from here, they'll asking me where have i gone? And when i tell the truth, they'll say like, are you in trouble so much? Too many problems huh? Gosh, it's killin' me inside teacher. With the way they're looking at me. It's just i love to see the counselors, sharing opinions, asking for opinions, help me with the decisions which is better for me, and so on. That's all, yeah of course, when i do have problems, i'll tell to you too, of course, and i think, this is the best way as you guys will give me the best opinions and you guys are experiences and certificated! Am i right?" then teacher said "yes love yes, that's bloody truth. Just let them be, don't think about what they says. And you must know, even the excellent student may also come to meet persons like us, asking for the opinions, just like you" then i shaped smile and was relieve. So shut the fuck up of your mouth bitches, it's very none of your business if i'm taking a counseling session, don't be brag that you guys can handle your problems by your own, you may not, who knows?

Kay then, 3 days in hostel, i'd been so silent with the folks in the hostel but excepted in the school :) I dunno, whenever i got back to hostel, i felt so lifeless, seriously. 3 days in hostel, filled with my tears. My heart was empty as he gone, as we're not together anymore, but thanks Allah, you gave me such a greatest mother in the world. She listened to me, she understood me, she knows how i feels like, she called me and said "okay love, you can cry, you always can cry, just let it all out now. Don't worry, i will always be by your side, you always have me, i love you, okay love?" and then, my world get better and better, until now. Thanks mama, i love you so much. Without you, i dunno what'll happened to me. And just because of that short moment, i starts to think, who'll taking care of her when she's older and older, who? I don't wanna her be alone, i will, i dunno, but now, i'm planning with my future. And in the future, i want her to stay with me, until the last day of her. I really want her to be by my side, like every seconds, every minutes, and every days. There's nothing more could makes me feels happy and peace, seeing her face, her smiles, her... everything. Mama? My very precious someone, my mother, me beloved, my best friend forever.

Well, planning the future? Sort of. hmm, i've been thinking about it lately. I think i know what i'm gonna be. I'll have three careers, fashion designer, business woman and a lecturer. That's what i thought. Okay, lemme explain it to you, how it perhaps gonna be like..

After i finished the SPM, i will taking a class for my skill in designing the fashions thingy yeah. Maybe, it'll takes 6 months, it's worth i think. And at the same time, i'll chase for the certification in the fashion designer course. Day by day, i'll create my own collections. And when i think it's enough or the right time is coming, i will spread to people about my fantastic creations and open up a boutique, then work and be struggle for it. Know what? hihi, i've already idea for my boutique and my brands name, it will be Zeeway's Fashionista, haha what do you think? :P wek kay i'm somehow feelin' shy now haha dah dah. After all, gain a lot of benefits and money, live with my mom of course and after years, i should be pro in this career, so i'll make a one more step, be a lecturer, surely for fashion designer course. Then taraaaaa!

Haha yeah, and i've talked about this with Mama when we had lunch today, and she was just quiet and no response at all. Kayyyyyy. I can see it. She doesn't really likes my planning, then i dunno how. I know, mama want me to be in a professional career, you know, doctor, chemical engineer, and sort of, but mama, it's just not my soul. I know, i really know, you want people around you see what your daughter have made, an educated person is your daughter. But mama, it will be nothing, just nothing if i can't do it. I'm an artistic person, i got 28/30 for the artistic segment! It's my blood, even, my dad, used to be an artist. My aunt, also, an artist. Goshh, but yeah, i don't wanna let you down mama. Kay now, brrrr i'm stress a lil bit haha :p I asked for opinions and advices from my ex-senior, and he said that i should focus on my SPM first, i can think about this later, yeah, he's true, kay end of this now.

SPM? I can't believe it, i'm listed in the first group for target A+ in SPM, i feels like, i don't deserve it. There's lot of more better persons, but seriously, thanks Ya Allah, it would help me! Since teachers and school trusting me for it, then i'm gonna do it, i'll try even harder, i'll give the best! I told mama about this, and she was happy and proud, haha andddd yeah, more reason of not letting people down with me. Gahhh, 9A+! Come here baby, come to me, stick with me! haha, okaylah, panjang gila tulis hahahaha, kbaiiiii, wish me luck people!