Hmmhhh, *sigh! Now, i feels like i just got recover from an illness though i didn't sick, err perhaps, i'd sick but not from that bullshit kind of headache, fever and bla bla, it was my heart that is attacked. I'm so vulnerable today, bcs of mama. Totally. I thought that we're already okay, and we're already fine, but seems like getting worse. I'm such a broken-hearted now.
Just today, i sobbed hardly, i sobbed so much, right after mama out. I love mama, and now, i'm dodging myself from hating her, i don't want it turn to be like that, but idk when will she stop from doing something like this to me. She give no tolerance. Ego? Or what? Whatever, idk! I have no idea what's wrong with her, mama's too negative. I don't wanna be brag, but please, i always try to be a good daughter, and i want to be a good daughter. But with this shit she gave to me, idk if i could be.
I missed my dad today, so i decided to phone him, i wanna talk to him, wanna ask hows he feels nowadays, i just missed him. Yeah, even though he had done something hurting too, still.. hm. Okay, i admit, i care about him. So, i dialed his number, and he picked up. Started with "hello" and then i asked "abah buat apa? sihat? Damia mana?" Oh, Damia is my very cute little sister. Then he brought up something that's totally not true. "Sabtu lepas kamu pergi mana? Ada keluar dengan lelaki?" I was shocked! What the hell is this? I said "demi Allah, nana tak bah" then "habis mama kata kamu kelaur dgn lelaki?!" then i saw mama, mama was not that far away from me, she heard everything, then i said "demi Allah nana tak bah, nana pergi tasik, jalan sorang sorang, mama tuduh tuduh je!" and then my dad, "haaaaa, kamu jangan buat something yang tak berfaedah nana, jaga diri elok elok, SPM dah dekat, belajar dulu" then i said "okay abah"
I throw the phone on mama's bed and mama was there. I said "menyesal je call abah, tak pasal pasal kena tuduh!" then she ignored me and made joke with my brother, Irfan. Sakitnya hati! Then i went downstairs with angers that was fulfilling my heart. After seconds, mama too, went downstairs, said goodbye to Irfan. I said, "sedap je buat spekulasi sendiri" i don't care if the way i talked is rude or what, there's no more good to talk nicely. Then she said "yelah, keluar tak bagitahu, buat mama macam tunggul" grrrrr! "mama yg buat nana mcm tunggul! Nana betul betul penat masa tu(my voice started to sound tremble), bukannya sengaja. Semua nak perfect! Tak pernah nak faham langsung" Then i got myself away from her, i went to kitchen and hide myself. I heard the sound of her car roaring, sign of she'd gone. From standing, i felt weak and sat on the floor while sobbing so bad and so hard. I sobbed for maybe 30minutes? Then i got tired and fall asleep.
On that day, i was planning to go out with my friends and they're all boys, i was being honest with mama when i asking the permission. And it was granted by mama. Also, before this, no matter where i go, i'd being really honest, even if i had a date with a boy, for sure i'd tell her. And she was really okay with it. NOW! Why need her to tell my dad like that? For the revenge that i went out to somewhere near to look for the peace without a permission? Is that all? What's wrong with you mama! *a bad frowning on my forehead! And after she reported that so not true thingy to my dad, she treated me so nicely, means that, being hypocrite! Erghhh. I felt regret says sorry -.- I'm so pissed off now, dah lah, bye
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